Friday, October 21, 2011

Failure. Complete.

Well, it's official. I feel like a total failure. It is October 8th. I've been trying to return to Canada for a year to be at my little brother's wedding. And, I am here in Sagada. I havent been able to pay one 400$ bill and get my visa right. People keep offering my tickets, but thats even more depressing because i cant do shit with the offer. I've tried working here but the wages are so low that I get sick and my savings are all wiped out.


I DO have all sorts of great projects blossoming. Alas they have all failed to flower in time to see me back. To get a sustainable and profitable local/global business going takes at least a year.

So what the hell? Is it Bad luck? Bad planning? Complete Moral failure? These conclusions and condemnations wallow my mind in a mire. I write about them lightly, yet in truth they hang about me like dead weights, dragging down my I initiative and enthusiasm like some convict thrown over the boat with a ball chained to his ankle.

I am so sad I can't be there for my little brothers wedding. I think that's the worst of it. I feel like I am letting him and my whole family down.