Have you ever just yelled and cursed at the top of your lungs?
I don't think I have have. Not til this afternoon on my walk back to Sagada, anyway. I am too mild mannered and come from a culture where politeness and reason reign.
I've been cooped up in bed for a long time being sick. Thankfully, I think I am finally on the mend. Returning to normal. So, I choose to walk the relatively easy part of the road back from Bontoc to Sagada today-- to get some fresh air and exercise. I've barely eaten in five days nor left the hotel. The walk home to Sagada is a gorgeous winding and lonely road through the towering green mountains. Just what I need.
In this fever time, I have also been getting really angry-- at myself, my situation, the universe, my conservative brother, my lover who abandoned me through silence, my geographic plight, the fates, the gods, money, etc. In fact, my intense feelings probably went a long way to making me sick and attracting my situation.
Haha... "Probably"... Of course they did. Its nobody's doing to me. Judging and blaming only make one sick. It is just how it works. I guess, best just to laugh at what I already know too well.
So there on the road I realized that there was no one else around! The road workers and rice harvesters seemed to have gone home, no trucks were coming, and I had this vast and silent and imposing landscape to look out upon from the perched highway. That's when the idea overcame me.
YELL. Let it all out.
I stood on the embankment and yelled and yelled and yelled. All the profanities and curses and anger and emotion and frustration and shit. I just yelled it all out.
Did that feel good. I highly recommend it.
I felt alot of weight lifted. Purged. That seems to be the theme of this crazy last week were anything I ate would flow right out of me. It was like a seven day fast with a full system flush concluded with an emotional purge.