Thursday, December 10, 2009

Deleting the Old Russell: That iPhone Dream...

I sit in a cafe typing on my iPhone this morning. Flipping through my old writtings I came upon a post about my iPhone dream: To let go of my Macbook, consolidate all my work online, and orchestrate all my art and projects on my iPhone.

High five Russell!

I am living this dream!
Given my last post on my Paris Dream, this is quite encouraging. It is a nice reminder that despite all the challenges I am going through now, the Paris Dream is now hurtling towards me, as surely as this one has. I just have to keep, keeping on.

I am really proud of myself for abandoning my laptop. But, I knew that when I did so, it would have consequences I couldn't imagine. I was basically terminating a fundamental 20 year old life pattern that went real deep.
Real deep. Sure enough, my mini-stroke occurred just after I closed the lid on my MacBook for the last time. The Crazy amount of work required to make the shift literally short circuited me.

My laptop, the Internet, and the nice glow of my screen were an easy way to distract myself from facing major issues. It was a comforting drug to flip it open and work each day with a cup of coffee. I could get so distracted and taken away so easily. The technology easily served to further the vices that festered from my three major fears that I have been writting about-- in general the disconect from my body.

Working on the laptop was a massive mind activity. As my consciousness flowed to my head my body would be forgotten. My posture would stoop and I would forget to eat. I would get in a space where my blood sugar was low and I would be wired on nervous energy. I'd give my self a boost with coffee. Not good. Then when my energy was too low, my focus would wane and all the interesting links and people to e-mail easily distracted me from essential money making activities.
As I sprinted down the final lap to getting rid of the laptop, everything reached a frenetic pace, all my vices were exponentially magnified and I totally exhausted myself and crashed.

A laptop with wireless is a powerful tool. But in the end, what it does for you is inevitably a reflection of what you bring to it. A good friend recently pointed out "Russell if you are well, your work will go well." Indeed, as inside, so outside.

This is why realizing my need for healing is important I believe. It enables me to shift, to move into creating with a much healthier and integrated self. This in turn upgrades the vibe I will put out as I rise again to interact, create and love.

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