"It is easy to know god. Its hard to be a human being."
I read that today lying in bed. It hit home.
As many of you know, I am back in Ottawa, Canada after having what seems to be a mini-stroke in Italy. I am here to rest, recover, heal... and integrate.
I've been doing pretty good "knowing God". My blog here is a joy-filled spiritual journey of magically manifesting and connecting with people around the world. But as we all know its one thing to know spiritual concepts and ideas, its another to live them. I've been living them-- full out baby-- but on the outside. But not on the inside. Not in my body.
Aristotle urges us to know ourselves. After a reflective philosophy degree, living in the Holy land and introspective arting, I've got to know my personality pretty well. My body, alas, I haven't done such a good job getting to know. Somehow all my spiritual learning has overlooked integrating my body into the picture.
Alarmingly, I really thought I knew my body! I've done yoga everyday, never smoked, excerised all the time, thought I ate well, and am totally lean. Only a month and a half ago I stood on the side of the road in Tuscany, sweat on my brow and adrelaine in my veins after climbing a epic series of peaks on my bike... and I thought to myself that I was in the best health ever. I felt great.
But no. I am seeing that a myriad of unconscious patterns-- from dietary, to sexual, to work were all in the process of slowly wearing me down. When all the deleterious patterns finally crossed in one intense week in Italy... I basically short circuited.
Its been one long hard reality check.
Now that my eyes are being opened I can do nothing but shake my head. I see all the bad stuff I was doing in lucid clarity.
I getting better slowly. The latest tests show I am normal. But disconcerting numbness continues to jump around my body-- a sobering reminder of my fragile state. You would think that it would be easy to just lie here and rest. Alas here I am facing some of my biggest fears ever here. As the Taoist sage says: Its hard to be a human being.
I am learning the process has a name: Integrating.