"Where have you been sir?"

I am now in Ottawa. I am resting and healing back in my country. I am also becoming conscious of just how much I have done in the last year and a half.

On my way through Canadian customs the officer asked: "Have you been to any other countries in your time away from Canada"

I smiled.

"I have actually. Let me see. The US, England, France, Belgium, Holland, Germany, Italy, Slovenia, Croatia, and back to England and France again."

He looked up inquisitively: "And how did you get around?"

I smiled again: "Bicycle".

He didn't know quite what to say for the moment, then hastily waved me through.

Today walking my parent's dog around the block I met the neighbour. She speaks mainly French so we chit chatted about how everybody's doing. "Are you still painting and exposing?" She asked.

I smiled. "Yeah, I've been doing quite a lot of art lately in fact." I mentioned then how I had either shows or studios or comissions in New York City, Belgium, Amsterdam, Berlin and lastly my presentation in Paris.

"In French?" She asked.

I nodded. It struck me that my French immersion teachers would have been quite proud.

Gratitude

There are so many people from so many places wishing me well. All I can say is all these good vibes have surely manifested themselves. I look about me with awe at the profoundly healing hands I now find myself in here in London.

Back in Paris, it just so happened that my paths crossed with Catherine, the woman who works as Neale Donald Walsh's personal healer. She was at a meeting leading up to my presentation.

Catherine had lived through a stroke herself. She recognized immediately my symptoms and knew it was serious. She helped me make sense of the subtle but terrifyingly symptoms I had been experiencing. Her colleague, Gudrun, was on her way to Paris also. Catherine had her bring that day the medecine I needed.

Catherine saw to it that I got to the hospital and the care I needed. Philippe from HT France went with me on the Eurostar to London to bring me to their clinic to rest. We stayed for the week in the most restfull apartment you could imagine right above their clinics.

Again I am in awe and deep grattitude at the profound moment and place for healing that I experiencing. Thank you everyone for your prayers/intentions for my health.

I've thus become the patient and disciple of Catherine and Gudrun these past two weeks. Catherin is a certified Chinese amedical practitioner, who, having lived through 21 operations, is profoundly empathetic. Gudrun is a dietitian and medical practitioner who has decades of experience and several books under their name. Both began an intense series of daily sessions with me to restore my dangerously unbalanced and depleted energy.

Being with two world class healers for two weeks I've been able to go a lot deeper than the symptoms-- to become aware of the life patterns that caused them, the past experiences that set me on these life patterns and... "most difficult of all" as Gudrun says... to actually Change/heal.

My ministroke basically could have and would have happened to me anywhere, no matter what I was doing. It connects to a heart condition I had when I was a baby, and more importantly not being conscious of how to live and eat and work and exercise with this predisposition. Several streams of aggravating and culminating liife patterns thus brought me to my stroke.

My choice to set out on my bike sped up something that would have caught up with me eventually. It's a little hard to see it this way, but since it has happened when I am still young, it's a little like a gift. I still have the resources and time to maneuver and amend my patterns.

And I have motivation. A collossal amount of motivation. Motivation mixed with clarity to better understand myself, to better comprehend the life force energy management I have been ignorant of, and to better, nay... to fully integrate all dimensions of my living.

Go Russell go.

Being with my body

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I am discovering that the journey that I began when I left Smithers is a lot more than a geographic.

Being ill is a new experience for me. A little like cycling into a new city in a strange land. Here, the roads are bumpy, confusing.

Why is this happening to me? What's the message? What's the lesson? I've been hearing this question from others and myself.

But you know, its not what is important now.

When I stood in St. Peters square I didn't need to ponder all the roads that took me to Rome. Much better was to just be there, to touch the statues, drink from the fountain and feast my eyes. Equally, being ill I just need to be with my body. Afterall, the reason I am here is surely connected to not having listened to and been with my body. I have been out of it. Mind and body and spirit have not been integrated.

Now, is the time to shift.

Sure there's reasons. But they will come. For the moment, I will be.

Clouds over the sun

There may be clouds over my sun, the wind might be cold but by heart is still warmed. I am getting so many well wishes from all over the world. Thank you. It really means alot. I

am suddenly discovering just how many wonderful friends i have all over and how many beautiful "strangers" are out there who all send the most uplifting thoughts and words. When your down and the clouds are dark and gray, boy do you appreciate every glimmer of light.

Serious

I can't really keep up with all that is happening to me. I am learning my situation is really serious. Two professional health practitioners have been treating me for the last week. Despite what the doctor at the hospital said, Catherine, who has had a stroke herself, is pretty sure this happened.

Both practioners have been insisting how precarious and dangerous my situation is and could become. My system is really weak and it could repeat.

I would love nothing more than to rest in Paris with Abby in a week. That is what was coming together. But, this would be avoiding the issue.

I fly back to Canada ASAP for treatment and tests.

Going back to Canada-- I really cannot imagine anything I fear more or dread. I feel like I letting people down and failing in my journey. But, Russell... What is more important... You, or the Journey? Despite my journey, my project, all my friends here in Europe and even my lovers, I must love myself first.

My journey has been all about facing my fears and being true to myself. Maybe this is just another step on the path. It makes me feel terrible anyway.

Hospital

Yesterday I went to the hospital here in London. That's me with my bracelet reaching for the light.

I don't like hospitals. But my condition and symptoms were too scary. Catherine, who has been caring for me, insisted I go-- she is a professional healer herself. Like a little boy, she held my hand while they did all sorts of tests on me-- blood stuff really really bothers me and I can't quite handle it. I hope Catherine can still move her hand and fingers.

Two doctors saw me. I was so impressed. They took their time and each took my condition really seriously. Each asked patiently many questions and looked me over super carefully. Their attention to detail was actually relieving.

Afterwards, they said it was good I came in, but wasnt necessary to stay. They concluded I hadn't had a stroke or even mini strokes.

I still feel really not so good. My symptoms are dimishing though. I am back with Catherine and Gudrun now. They are both healers who I met in Paris around my presentation and through the most blessed syncronicity and generosity hwere there when I crashed and open their arms to take me in.

Their holistic, homeopathic and oriental healing bacground sees much deeper into my condition than it seems a Western perspective could. The doctors were able to test and diagnose me there at that moment in great detail, but only derive a rather superficial diagnosis. Catherine and Gudrun are seeing through to the deeper root causes. Their diagnosis and healing includes remedies and wisdom on the dietary, energetic, sexual and emotional facets of Russell.

Its profound. The western way would have given me pills and pharmeceuticals. Now, with their help and guidance I am seeing myself a new. I am poised to transform old ways of my life into a much deeper and integrated understanding of myself and way to live.

You dont get this from a normal doctor.

They are continuing to treat me here at their clinics in London.

I rest. I heal.

A Wounded Escape from the Dark Valley

I have been resting the last few days to stabilize my dangerously depleted energy. It's a good opportunity to reflect on my moment.

I have made it to Paris. Two days ago I presented the 1Mandala to 1000 people at the Marriot conference in the heart of the city. My beautifully wonderful lover Abby came to join and be with me for the week. What a turbulent week it has been! I am very grateful for her love and support while she was here.

It was the pinacle of an epic month of exertion to let go of my laptop, to get all my digital life and work online and on my iPhone, and to get here to Paris. Not only that, but I cycled from Florence to Assisi-- climbing mountains, camping in vineyards and cliff laid olive orchards.

But the combination of working really really hard on my laptop, living in a sedate and smoky apartment then jumping back on my bike really took it's toll.

Deep breath

I think I've had a mini stroke. :-(

Serious I know

Cycling alone through Tuscany it was a rather frightening experience. An almost imperceptible yet undeniable tingling persisted on one side of my body. My left hand seemed almost seemed to tremble, my face slightly numb.

On my bike through Tuscany I wondered what was going on in me!? It was really slight-- maybe it was my imagination? What in the world could I possibly do? How would I find the right person to talk to about what happened? How would I find a space for healing?

The folks here with HT France and of course Abby have been tremendously helpful. I rest a few extra days at the apartment where we stayed for the presentation.

Its so ironic. I had to work so hard in the old way-- crouched and bleary eyed in front of my laptop for hours-- to escape to the new way-- everything online, purely collaborative, and fancy free on my iPhone. Where I have arrived is exponentially a more healthy and integrated way of living. Yet, the intense amount of energy to move up a level, and alas the back-step into the old world literally short circuited me. Not eating well, seldom doing yoga, and an inordinate dose of unhealthy energy from those around me really hit me hard. I've plummetted from 105% health to 65% health in a month. Shitty. Scary.

It's as if the Pilgrim on life's way, weary after labouring hard to climb out of a dark valley, and on to a new, higher, sun-bathed plateau, lunges the last few steps to the top-- and a rusty barbed wire, lurking in the shadows cuts and wounds him deeply. He makes to the top, yet he staggers. He bleeds.

The wound is deep and the sun so bright.

Resting in London

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London light gently spills through my window. I rest.

Fun in France

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A few days ago I presented the 1Mandala project to about 1000 people here in Paris. I've been also having a wonderful time with my lover Abby. Her prescence has been a source of joy, fun and much needed support.

Here's a snippet of the fun part:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKT2P9he1-c&feature=youtube_gdata

Russell, Abby & Amour in Paris

I have made it to Paris. My beautiful lover has joined me. I am in the midst of new friends and the building momentum for Neil D Walsche's talk and my presentation. Inadvertently It is also proving a moment for healing. The road of the heart also has it's hills. They can take their toll. Yet the company of like minded souls and those you love is a profound consolation.

Posted via email from 1mandala's posterous

Learning to use my iPhone to take videos as I arrive in Assisi, Italy

Rome!

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I stand in the centre of Rome! THIS is a long way from Smithers in the isolated Northwest of Canada. I have come a long way.

Paris is next! Big 1mandala presentation on the 6th in Paris.