Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A Wounded Escape from the Dark Valley

I have been resting the last few days to stabilize my dangerously depleted energy. It's a good opportunity to reflect on my moment.

I have made it to Paris. Two days ago I presented the 1Mandala to 1000 people at the Marriot conference in the heart of the city. My beautifully wonderful lover Abby came to join and be with me for the week. What a turbulent week it has been! I am very grateful for her love and support while she was here.

It was the pinacle of an epic month of exertion to let go of my laptop, to get all my digital life and work online and on my iPhone, and to get here to Paris. Not only that, but I cycled from Florence to Assisi-- climbing mountains, camping in vineyards and cliff laid olive orchards.

But the combination of working really really hard on my laptop, living in a sedate and smoky apartment then jumping back on my bike really took it's toll.

Deep breath

I think I've had a mini stroke. :-(

Serious I know

Cycling alone through Tuscany it was a rather frightening experience. An almost imperceptible yet undeniable tingling persisted on one side of my body. My left hand seemed almost seemed to tremble, my face slightly numb.

On my bike through Tuscany I wondered what was going on in me!? It was really slight-- maybe it was my imagination? What in the world could I possibly do? How would I find the right person to talk to about what happened? How would I find a space for healing?

The folks here with HT France and of course Abby have been tremendously helpful. I rest a few extra days at the apartment where we stayed for the presentation.

Its so ironic. I had to work so hard in the old way-- crouched and bleary eyed in front of my laptop for hours-- to escape to the new way-- everything online, purely collaborative, and fancy free on my iPhone. Where I have arrived is exponentially a more healthy and integrated way of living. Yet, the intense amount of energy to move up a level, and alas the back-step into the old world literally short circuited me. Not eating well, seldom doing yoga, and an inordinate dose of unhealthy energy from those around me really hit me hard. I've plummetted from 105% health to 65% health in a month. Shitty. Scary.

It's as if the Pilgrim on life's way, weary after labouring hard to climb out of a dark valley, and on to a new, higher, sun-bathed plateau, lunges the last few steps to the top-- and a rusty barbed wire, lurking in the shadows cuts and wounds him deeply. He makes to the top, yet he staggers. He bleeds.

The wound is deep and the sun so bright.