Thursday, June 10, 2010

A Grey Day

GeoTagged, [N17.09816, W120.89987]

Tis a grey day. I went to bed sneezing. I woke up my eyes so red that I could barely keep them open. I am beset either by allergies or some strange cold. I feel absolutely terrible.

Most of the day I could barely see, let alone do any work, or walk into to town to coordinate mandala projects. That just adds to the general greyness. I can't add credit to my phone, I can't move money to my bank account to withdraw, and I can't finalinalize important contracts. Shit.

See the tree in the photo above that I snapped this evening? I feel just like that. The grey clouds have descended and obscurred my world and purpose. Moments like this come occassionally dont they? I despair.

I spent must of the day in teary, runny nose anguish lying in bed. I couldn't read or even watch movies. Of course, I am so well taken care of. Aunt Ruby, the grandmother here, gathered herbs from the garden and made me special healing tea. Dodo, the grandaughter baked me some pancakes and brought them up to immobile me on a tray. Two rays of light.

It is so uncanny how the outside world can mirror the inner. The cloud shrouded, lone, grey tree is just how I feel. Alone, seperate, so far away. And what am I doing here exactly? What is the point of all this? Am doing anything worthwhile? I am 33.... Shouldn't I have a house and a car and a mortgage somewhere? Should I be somewhere else, doing something else? Immoblized, blind, the thoughts easily descend upon me obscuring my moment.

Indeed, today the clouds are dark and heavy.

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