From Dark to Light

From dark to light:  A frosty field Dutch field is illuminated by the first light of dawn.  My first day in Holland.

This morning, at long last, I rolled into Holland.   I sit in a cafe in the heart of the ornate city centre of Breda.  The cathedral looms above me as the first morning shoppers stroll through the tightly packed streets of shops and cafes.   The church bells ring as I type.   My French press coffee is ready.  With not a little relief, I press it down.

I am 10 kms from Oosterhaut, Holland.  My arrival there is a bit of a landmark in my journey.  

Way back in Pittsburgh, in the midst of a hot and humid summer day, I met a Dutch woman on a bustling city bus.  Two travelers sharing the same seat in a sea of locals.   It was a most dazzlingly unlikely place to meet another traveler.    Something resonated.  We strolled through the streets together and she invited me to pass through her little town in Holland when I reached Europe.

 I said I would-- not really beleiving that one day I would actually feel the Dutch air on my face, wipe the morning frost on my tent, and caress the smooth bike paths of Holland with my tires.

As my journey has progressed and my scheduling and geographic expectations have melted into futility, this is one destination that has stuck.  And so, this afternoon, rather triumphantly, I will ride into Oosterhaut, Netherlands-- a town nobody in Northern Belgium or even here in Breda seems to have heared of.  Yet, strangely, it has gathered a nexus of meaning for me.

I have a long awaited and emotionally symbolic package with my winter equipment at Abby's address.  I also have some profound philosophic and personal realizations about relationships culminating simultaneously.  

 Its great traveling and meeting people.   Yet, the act of traveling and not resting long in one place completely reshapes how one engages in relationships.  From new friendships to romantic relationships, it is all effected.  How can I expect someone to have a 'normal' relationship with me when I am by definition moving on?   How can they expect that from me? 

The definitve brevity of my encounters makes them all that more rich and profound-- and ironically, that much trying to move on from as the road beckons me on.   It forces the other and I to be deeply present for the moment of togetherness.   This is of course, is a recipe for beautiful experiences.

But...  Aye.   It is challenging.   It is rich and intense and fantastic, but at times it is heart rending.

At one level I am dazzled by how I have manifested and attracted people and situations exactly as I have conceived them pedalling along on my bike.  Experiences to learn about myself in.  That's what relationships are all about I beleive-- by getting to know others we get to know ourselves.   

Of course, its not only I attracting them into my life, but they attracting me into theirs!   This goes for the folk who randomly meet me on the road, to people I stay with geographically or in spirit.  I gotta admit, I am a bit of a character biking the world like this-- it strikes me that for people to attract me to them, they are manifesting a very unique experience often at a pivotal moment for themselves.   Its humbling to play the role.

On days like today however, I get a little daunted by the challenge of all these beautiful yet fleeting meetings.   I have but one respite-- being in a place of honesty and intuition.  Fear and insecurity urges me to turn away and hide things.  It is %@&@% tough sometimes, but keeping things clear to myself and others is essential.    Lessons can only be read learned when the reading light is turned on!  We're all learning something here.

My friend friend John Kirby, likes to stop, laugh and say "Its all just a big game Russell... we're hear to remember who we really are, and to do so by living grandly and richly".  

 As we all play the game together, its good to remember that.   John was good at laughing.   As my foolishness and my wisdom bring me these intense experiences,deeply and dazzlingly intertwining me with others, its good to just laugh at the wonder of it all!   So much better to living so richly and intensely-- we have nothing to loose!   

And of course, we're getting exxxaaactly what we asked for!