Sunday, May 17, 2009

Loneliness is a Long Word

Yikes.   I've been feeling a little lonely lately.  

Coming back last night in the rain, the chill and darkness of the night seemed to cut right to my soul.  I've spent some lonely and dark nights in my tent over the Winter.   Yet somehow, the feeling wasn't quite as overwhelming.  Though this night I came home to a warm apartment and Marion's friendly, whom I am staying with, I was never the less overcome.   It was a jagged desperate feeling that I can only describe as loneliness-- a longing stronger than my many lone weeks on the road.

An open air concert had caught my ear on the way back to the apartment.  It was a bustling gathering wedged between abandoned concrete buildings scrawled over with graffiti.    The courtyard was filled with dark sillouettes, fires burnining in rusty oil drums and the melancholic twang of the singer's voice.   Wow.  Berlin's thriving underground music scene at its best.  The music was fantastic-- a kalediscope of beats and strange noises and improvised lyrics-- yet as tight as you can get.   I stood alone in the sea of undulating folk.  The music jarring emotion of the music resonated deeply with me.  Dreadlocks bounced, funky 70's hippsters grooved and groups of friends and couples conversed and danced. 

 My only companion was my bike that I cautiously kept within sight.     I felt as an island in an ocean.

 I think it has something to do with being in Berlin-- its a big city: I ain't in the country side no more.

 The sheer quantity of people swirling about makes one more conscious of one's aloneness.   It doesn't help that where I am working in Kreuzburg, there are so many funky cool people.   Its not that I don't have friends here.   I seem to have an abundance for the short time that I have been here.  Yet, I long to meet all these cool and beautiful and funky people that dance about me on their way down the street.  Surely they must all be doing and thinking the most interesting things.

I miss my friends too.  

Berlin is also such a cool city.   l wish I could share it all with a good friend or two.  If only I could teleport my friends here.  There are so many cafes and galleries and restaurants and concerts to check out.   Its all but summer now too and the weather is glorious. 

I wish I could express and share the wonderfullnes!  I think this is actually a big thing.  I have so much joy and love welling up in my soul these days.  I long to share it.

And so.... I feel a little lonely.

Time to do some art.

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